The problem with control

My last post I wrote about wanting to have more control and more of a routine. And while I felt great during the work week because of said goal, it ultimately set me up for failure. Trying to overly control any part of your life creates black and white thinking and leads to feelings of guilt and failure. 


I used to try and control my intake of sweets. I wasn’t “allowed” sweets during the week and could only have them on Sunday. Do you know what I did on Sundays? Ate all the sweets. Like ALL OF THEM. I was “good” during the week and then felt “bad” on the weekend. It creates a feeling of guilt for spontaneity and just living your life. But instead if you eat dessert when you want dessert you likely won’t eat as much.  The same goes for other things. If I drink a beer when I really want a beer I’ll probably enjoy that beer more and drink less overall. Or if I go out to dinner when I really want to go out to dinner I’ll probably go out less often because it will be more satisfying.


I tried to have more control this week and then when I felt “out of control” while being spontaneous with my best friend I felt like a failure. She reminded me of the importance of being kind to yourself. We aren’t meant to be perfect.


I’m still figuring out my life. I just moved for the third time in a year. I’ve been at my job now for a little over a year and finally feel more confident and comfortable in my role. I’ve lived in the city for a year and only just started to make new friends and date. I’m nowhere near where other people my age are for whatever reason. So I’m not married like my high school friend and I’m not starting my own business and being a dog mom like my sister. I’m not them and I need to remind myself that that’s okay. I have an apartment I really like, I have a workout routine I enjoy, and I have a fulfilling job. For now that’s where I’m at and that’s good enough.