I love visiting my Julie, Greg, and the puppies. But it can also bring up uncomfortable feelings. Insecurity. Loneliness. Confusion. It’s not because of anyone or anything, it just happens. I see the two of them happy, living in the home that they bought, with their dogs. And it’s quiet. So very quiet. The joys of living in the woods.
I then wonder if I should own a house or buy a dog. I wonder why I can’t seem to find that special someone. What am I doing wrong? Why does it seem so much easier for other people and not me? Olivia, my BFF in vet school, assured me that I am not alone and that many people our age feel the same way.
Maybe it’s because I put extra time and energy into my schooling and my career before beginning my adult life. After all I’m only two years out of grad school. But since I’m 27 it feels like I should have accomplished so much more. Where did these expectations come from? Who says I need to own a house by a certain age or settle down. And how do those things compare to my personal accomplishments like graduating at the top of my class, going to graduate school, getting a full time job right out of school which I love.
Liv said she is focusing on reclaiming her sass and confidence rather than feeling like she isn’t living up to the “expectations” that life throws at us. She’s in freaking vet school in Scotland by the way. Can’t get much more accomplished than that and yet here we are.
I’m not proud of my insecurities this weekend and the negative feelings that I felt toward myself. But I’m only human. I enjoy social interaction and feeling appreciated and wanted. I changed my values in the past to keep people in my life and it was never worth it. So for now, I’m following Liv’s example and reclaiming my confidence and sass. Although her sass has always been on a whole new level compared to mine.
While this weekend involved some regretful texts and retrospection it also included a lot of delicious food and puppy snuggles.