Dating is hard. Especially in the 21st century. Those of you that met through friends or just not online, I’m jealous. First you have to match with someone. Then you have to chat long enough to actually meet up in person (which happens like once in a blue moon). Then you have to do background work to make sure they aren’t a creeper (maybe that’s just me). And only then do you meet and hopefully like each other.
Dating is still very new to me as I’ve mentioned before. I didn’t start dating, like really dating, until I moved to Boston. I actually put in effort now to find people I may like (on dating apps) and go on dates. I don’t even get nervous for first dates anymore, I actually enjoy them! If only it didn’t take me until I was 28…then maybe I wouldn’t still be single. But let’s not harp on that.
My old ways of dating meant that I basically would like anyone who showed an interest in me. Hello, self-confidence issues. I wanted to be told I was pretty or beautiful or anything in and around that. I wanted someone to spend time with even if we didn’t really do much or go anywhere and I was always the one doing the asking. It was not the finest time of my life.
These days, and I didn’t realize this until recently, I almost don’t want to be complimented on my looks. Sure it’s nice to be complimented, but there’s so much more to me than my appearance that I want someone to appreciate. Also, I no longer need that validation to feel good about myself. I like my legs and arms and overall body. I feel confident most days. What I’m looking for is not just a person who thinks I’m cute and is willing to spend time with me when I ask. I’m looking for someone who wants to spend time with me and asks me to do things and is interested in learning more about what makes me, me. I want something deeper and more meaningful.
And while I am SO PROUD of myself for having the confidence to say no to people who like me, but aren’t right for me or to accept a breakup because it’s not the right time or place and you can’t make something work (still actively working on that one), it’s frustrating as hell. I miss holding hands and having someone to talk to. I see my friends and sister happy and wonder if I’ll ever find that. It feels impossible since I waited until later in my 20s to start looking for a true relationship, but I have to stay positive. Dating is hard. To be honest it sucks the life out of me sometimes. And while I see my friends going on many dates at a time and wonder why I’m not that popular on the dating apps I also know what I want and have to trust my instincts. So today I am proud of myself for saying no. For staying true to myself and being a badass confident women. Someone will appreciate that someday and until then, I’ll be over here swiping (or not).