I woke up this morning thinking “I hate myself.” Purely because I felt like crap from eating 5 scoops of ice cream, drinking 4 beers, and drunk eating a terrible buffalo chicken pizza and fries covered in fake cheese (why was it fake?). In addition to feeling nauseous and bloated I slept terrible.
But why does that warrant hating myself? Because I made the choice to eat those foods and go to bed late? Because I failed on my journey to lose weight? No. I should never hate myself.
While, yes, I made those decisions. I made them with friends. While laughing my butt off all night. And feeling happy.
I think these thoughts come from a history of binge eating and struggling with negative thoughts. And from years of wanting to belong and fit in. Its impossible to not have those thoughts every now and then. But it is possible to reframe the thought into something positive. My mom and my best friend had to walk me through it this morning, but ultimately it got done.
Negative thought #1: I’m always the third wheel, I need a boyfriend.
Transition: I’m lucky my friends include me and want to hang out with me even with their significant other.
Negative thought #2: I hate myself for eating a disgusting amount and drinking so much.
Transition: I’m lucky to have time to enjoy with great friends, to live in a city rich with experiences, and to have the money to do fun things.