My sister is engaged. Literally everyone around me is getting engaged or married. There’s all this pressure to feel like I should be at that point, too. But I’m not.
It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve been dating for the past few years and taking advantage of all that the online dating apps have to offer. It’s not always pretty. I’ve gotten hurt a few times, once pretty significantly. So I know I’ve put in real effort and thrown myself into the deep end, but now I’m wading back out of said pond. (Too much of a metaphor?) I think I may need a break, but then I feel like I’m tossing in the cards and signing up for life as a single cat lady.
A guy on Bumble was hinting at getting together yesterday and I just didn’t want to. I wanted to enjoy my day how I wanted. I wanted to go to lunch and to SoWa and enjoy my Sunday. I also have just not been looking forward to dates lately. I had a date last Thursday and I found myself dreading it before even getting there. Not a good sign.
It could be that I simply need a break. Summer and Fall are my favorite times of the year and I frequently have plans with friends, family, and/or coworkers. And by frequently I mean once a week when I have the energy.
It could be that online dating is HARD. You don’t know what a person is truly like until you meet them face to face. Sure I’ve had some really great dates, but I’ve also had some not so great ones. It can be exhausting and truly frustrating.
It could be that I’m putting too much pressure on myself. My sister is engaged and yet I haven’t been in a true relationship for longer than a month. What’s wrong with me? Nothing. Why don’t people like me? They do, but I have high standards and refuse to settle. Why won’t it just happen already? You can’t force it. I guess it’s true that sometimes you just need to stop looking.
As my dear friend Maggie said it the best, it’s okay to be alone and it’s important to not put pressure on yourself to be at the same place in life that other people are. It’s not fair to yourself. And yet here I am putting pressure on myself every day. So I’m writing this dreadfully honest post about dating to keep myself accountable. I am taking a break for at least the next two weeks. I’m going to stay off the apps (I promise) and do things I enjoy! I’m going to live my life and love every minute of it…as the single and strong woman I am.